Sunday, March 30, 2008

My groin is bigger than your groin

It's an age old argument between men. no kidding. My husband and I found it in the old testament even. I'm thinking it was Solomon, he said something like, my little pinky is bigger than my father's loin.

Only now, pastors around here are too "HOLY" to say they pack a bigger one than the other pastor. It all comes down to "numbers" and whose new church building is bigger than the others.

It is sickening. Really revolting if you ask me.

When we left our church of almost 9 years, one of the motivating factor was that we were beginning to feel like a number and not a person.

I remember believing from my childhood that God had carved my name on the palm of His hand and knew my innermost parts while I was yet in my mother's womb.

Yet that kind of intimacy, that real relationship was lacking in our group by the end of our time there.

My husband and I walked in one day to worship; a leader standing at the door to greet everyone, quickly switched a "counter" from one pocket to his other. You know, the counters that we used to use when shopping at the grocery store. A hand held gadget that you click a button for the next item that you are counting.

I was being counted like an item!

I kept thinking about how there was a story in the old testament about how David was successful until he was enticed by Satan to count the numbers......

lack of trust.

But really, what is worse? The lack of trust or the competition in my town to build the next mega church? Here in New England of all places.

The constant race from pastors to grow in numbers, to build bigger buildings, to purchase new modern things in order to lure in new tithers......

It is heart wrenching and painful.

In a pressing economy where people are not paying utility bills in order to buy prescriptions; the church leaders are shouting from the pulpits to Press In and give more and trust God more!

Does God NEED a bigger building with comfortable seats, controlled temperatures, and modern technological equipment?

When I read Isaiah, I feel the need to feed the poor, clothe the naked, and to loosen the bonds that bind. No desire to build a building.

These pastors are placing such bondage on their sheep.

Bondage that my husband and I once wore. We were obedient, we were givers of our time, money and devotion.

We stood side by side with our church family and helped build the new building. We rejoiced the day of the first service. We had been told that if we helped build God's house, He would help build ours. We were exhausted, but we had arrived into the beautiful new building.

The year did not pass when our pastor made an announcement. He unveiled a new vision. He had a person stand with a diagram at the pulpit- it was (and I kid you not)-a new building!

We were exhausted physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially.

We knew we would not be joining this group on their new building project.

What an eye opener when you first realize that your service, money, and devotion was for a mere man that suffers from penis envy- ooops I mean bigger church envy.

*i took these pictures of a local church building that I know NOTHING about. they are probably very nice people. my only point in doing so was in the fact that they are relocating from a very small building into this new building project. they are not the only church group in town, there are several. now, they probably need more space, but my point is, well, couldn't anyone worship in the high school on sundays? It's already paid for by our taxes and it's FREE.


Anonymous said...

Hi there, followed your blog link from the spiritual abuse forum. You may not remember me, but I used to post there last year as Jordie. I have a number of blogs under the name Meg also. Just wanted to visit and see how you were going. I think you were pregnant with Hannah last time I checked in. Anyway, good to see you and your family are doing so well.

kind thoughts..

Jayne said...

Amen Tera Rose, amen.

Barb said...

So true. In our 'church' experience we actually believed the line that "if we paid off God's land then he would pay off ours" to the extent that after sinking close to $20,000 of our own money into the new land for the vision of the leaders, we actually were mad at GOD for not paying our stuff like HE promised. Part of coming out of the cult was dealing with the anger at God when it was never God who promised it in the first place. How dare they take our money with a promise that they have no way of delivering! What conniving! I can't believe we swallowed it and urged others to give by our example.

Sherry at the Zoo said...

I love our church because we rent, we don't build. We meet in schools, skating rinks, wherever. Our pastor's rule is if anyone in the church congregation needs help, help them first before putting money in the plate. If you need money, and the collection plate passes your way, take money out. We are a church with no debt and hopefully will never go into debt. We left a megachurch where we were greatly disillusioned and found instead this smaller church that is more along the lines of what we feel is biblically based.