Thursday, March 13, 2008

On AUTISM and BIRDSEED- written 12/7/07

it all started last weekend when we attended the local Agways christmas festivities. My four year old decided that she would need a 40 pound bag of birdseed to make birdfeeders as christmas gifts to the wild feathered friends that visit our yard. Why not? I thought to myself, how harmless is that? Let me cultivate her love for the wild creatures in our yard and make a learning project out of it.

I forget about autism.

All the time I forget that it lurks like a monster in our closet waiting to come out at well, really inopportune moments. It usually waits until my guard is down, it waits until I just start thinking that, silly me, autism isn't really real.

Like yesterday.

Caleb had a great morning during his diagnostics session. I picked him up so that I could take him ice skating..... hmmm ice skating I was thinking; is a way for him to exercise now that winter is here; ice skating is a way for him to meet other boys his skating is well, a way to get out of the house! So after hearing from another parent that homeschools that she would be on the ice if Hannah (all kids under 5 need an adult on the ice) would like to ice skate......

I ventured out. In my autism mobile and know the mini van with the broken mirror, no sun visors and dents in the side.....all scars from autistic moments.

If the van could tell stories..... ..SO I ventured out, 3 kids in tow; looking as insane and dis-sheleved as I internally always feel these days.......and well, ICE SKATING WENT WELL! go figure.
Ok, a few minor autistic moments that I tell myself no one else recognized as autistic.... . like a ski mask over the entire face because well, cold is just too cold for a sensory child; and every time he fell; I laughed and smiled...... .because well, with autism it is ALL IN HOW YOU RESPOND. seriously. If I show my real feelings of terror; the autism tells the boy to quit because what is going on is too scary for him. So I laughed. No lie......and Caleb sits down next to me, calm as can be and says, "why did you laugh mom? It wasn't funny".

See why I sometimes forget autism doesn't lurk here??? Such a logical statement as my son is asking to sit on a blanket because the fall made his BUTT COLD.

So we got through the skating skills in tact, transtition issues hidden, sensory overloads handled..... even when the ZAMBONIE came out.....loud noises and all.

Until, he had to climb in the van, stepping on the 40 pound bag of bird seed.WHAT WAS I THINKING? I should have removed that bag last week........ .

So Caleb, in all his sensory glory danced on the bag of birdseed, spun on the bag of bird seed.....put a hole in the bag of birdseed.... and yup, you guessed it.The autism monster reared its head.No amount of parenting from any expert or creed was going to stop this disaster. Bird seed went everywhere.
My van now has 40 pounds of birdseed from front to back AND birds are eating FREE from Cromwell to Bartholomew Rd in Middletown.. ...and birdseed is still being found in my hair, my bra and everywhere.
I have to laugh. Really. If you don't laugh, you will go on prozac. Think of all those wonderfully perfect families driving down RT 9 next to me.....their perfectly clean cars......with kids sitting calmly in their car seats...looking over at us.HEHEHE.
The autistic mini van.......with a child who seemingly appears normal is throwing BIRDSEED OUT THE WINDOWS and AT MY HEAD and screeching and spinning in his car seat.IT doesn't make for wanting to have a play date with us. BUT it sure is funny! Piles and piles of birdseed at every stop sign and street much for making birdfeeders. ......

what I am really grateful for is that Caleb was able to go to diagnostics. ....and be successful.. .....and to walk on ice skates when just a few years ago we lived in physical therapy in order for him to run correctly... ....and skate, and laugh....... and leave without a transition melt down.So what's a 40 pound bag of birdseed all over the van that is already beat up? all just a little bit of sensory fun that makes the autistic monster sometimes simply funny.


Larry said...

That is a funny story from my viewpoint but I know it must really try your patience and stress you out sometimes.-Have you read Jayne's blog at Journey Through Grace? She writes about her son Sam all the time.He has autism as well.-It's on my link list.

Tera Rose said...

I haven't, I will have to visit her blog.

It is funny......honestly, patience left a long long time ago and took some brain cells with it!