A 40year old female living in New England..... rambling about parenting 4 kids,homeschooling, autism, spiritual abuse, relatives, politics and any other thought that passes through this old brain.
I mostly ramble on "in the garden"
We have bought seasons' passes for Lake Compounce for the past 5 years.
I was so frustrated that they allowed people to smoke everywhere. Here I would be walking barefoot in the water park and have to watch out for a burning cigarette.
I am not against smokers- I just want to walk around an amusement park safely.
The final straw was last year.
My son Caleb has pdd-nos; a high functioning form of autism.
As we were leaving Lake Compounce, another patron threw down a lit cigarette. Caleb ran quickly to pick it up and "taste" it. (at least that is what he told me he was doing when I started shrieking....WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING???")
So we no longer have a season's pass at Lake Compounce.
SANTA CLAUS brought us passes to SIX FLAGS NEW ENGLAND! Seems they have a smoke free park- but more importantly- they have BATMAN....Caleb's newest secret identity!
This is a picture of Hannah on WIGGLES tea pot ride.
Recently there has been some talk amongst the homeschooling group about finding frog eggs and watching the life cycle of a frog. After hearing peepers make loud noises for the last month, I decided that it might be "time".
We headed down into the back of our yard and while gathering frog eggs, found a spotted turtle!
Jason, my 20 year old, is quite the amphibian lover. He collects creatures in his room that include camiens, turtles, and snakes. He has desired to find a spotted turtle in the wild for as long as I can remember.
So with the cell phone in hand, I phoned him, "THERE IS A SPOTTED TURTLE IN OUR BOG!"
He thought I was confused and was only seeing a painted turtle. HA! He forgets who taught him how to find turtles, frogs and things from the wild.
We were all excited to find this spotted turtle. We believe it is an adult male which means they are probably colonized in our bog. We released him, as he is ENDANGERED. Go Make more babies little spotty!
Here are some photos of the adventure; gathering the frog eggs.......and finding Spotty.
I work with teenage boys that live in a residential treatment facility.
They are kids stuck in the child welfare system for a variety of reasons.
I wish I could blog about them because each one touches my life in ways that are incredible. For confidentiality reasons, I can't.
Yesterday I took them on a trip to a local state park beach.
Rumors of seals laying on the rocks off the shores combined with them sharing my new addiction to birding drew us out.
We saw the seals and couldn't believe it! Laying on rocks right here in our state!
We also identified some birds in our amaturish ways....(we asked people who looked like they knew what they were talking about).
We saw an Osprey nesting, snowy egrets, redwinged blackbirds and plenty of seagulls.
The boys swear (and I'll go into the fantasy with them) that they saw eagles soaring overhead and perigine falcons....we even think we may have seen a golden eagle or two. As we walked over the salty bogs to the platform to view the seals, we saw baby great white sharks swimming in the 2 inch high water. IT was an amazing day!
The nicest thing of all happened when we were flying a kite. We had our state issue plastic cheap kite that we were amazingly successful at launching into the air.
A man flying a beautiful kite, rainbowed with tails, watched us fly our kite all afternoon.
Perhaps it was the state van, or the range of ethnicities of our teen boys, or simply the love for flying this pathetic kite that one of my boys had......but this man was touched and gave my boy his kite.
It felt like a visit from an angel. Of course, I couldn't tell him where my boys were from or why that was such a wonderful gift....
but I think he could tell that.
He left the kite with us and we had a great time flying it.
You should have seen the incredible smile on the boy flying it as he waved thanks to the man and his family.
i remember it because when i was freed, my enemy had still not been over thrown.
in fact, they still have not been.
i remember the day i walked through the doors to freedom, i was not sure if i was walking into freedom or away from freedom.
i was not sure if i had really just been captured or if i was walking into a deception of darkness.
i don't know who opened the doors to freedom, my friend or foe.
i walked with my husband as we carried our children through those doors.
our escape wasn't so easy as walking through the door and being transported to allied tents for food, clothes, water and a debriefing.
no. in fact, the door had a labyrinth tunnel that hid our enemies in many corners and crevices waiting for ambush.
they laid waiting behind every corner to tease, "you're being decieved, Satan is going to devour you".
they ignored us when we shopped in local grocery stores. isolation was a powerful weapon of torture.
they taunted with chants of "you're decieved, you're unstable, you're bitter, you have hurts, after all that we have done for you? ."
they murdered our reputation so that we couldn't join other believers. shame, another weapon, actually kept us from other POW camps.
What kept us walking onward?
the knowledge somewhere deep inside that there was a living God who loved us beyond our imagination.
the memories of walking with such a God that any place without Him was hell.
a dark place where we pretended to be worshippers while we couldn't see His eyes, hear His heartbeat or feel His love.
a place where we no longer knew that we were chidren of God, created in His image.
a place where we played church.
a place of conformity.
a place where we were called to sacrifice our own lives and calling for a mere man's.
we walked onward.......
reaching out to others who walked the path before us. some were an encouragement, others were so broken that we had to leave them beside the road in their blood.
at one point we followed a path that led us into another POW camp. we thought that you needed to be planted in a POW camp in order to be free.
we thought we snuck out of that second dark place, taking prisoners with us, only to discover that one of the victims was infact a soldier of the enemy.
he stole from us, left us on the side of the road wondering if God and our dreams were real.
we picked ourselves up and started walking again. we found comfort in the writings on the wall from other survivors. we found comfort in our own writimgs and even in anger.
we continue to walk looking for the green pastures where the sheep graze.
knowing only one thing, that we will recognize His sheep that graze by His tent, by the fruit that they have.
it is four years later, we are still walking towards the light of freedom and i pause to contemplate the writing of a synchroblog.
I will attempt to answer questions posed to the public by another POW survivor.
What do they/you need? What did/do you need as you as went/are going through this transitional phase? How can a ministry or service help them/you?\
I can not pretend to answer these questions for others. Even speculating what other people need or want to me is a form of dysfunction that perpetuates abusive cycles. So many have felt that they know what I have needed without taking the time to get to know me or even ask.......
So my answers are very personal. They have frankly become very practical.
What do I need?
i do not need a ministry to fix me, to tell me how to heal, how to find jesus or how to do anything. as much as i would like a quick 4 step process on how to get over this the right way- it will not work.
futher i find the very idea of a ministery somewhat repeating the old way. it sets up relationships where one has the "answers" (ministering to) to things over the one who needs the answers. there is one mediator between man and God- if you are reading the new testament.
i do not need your pity, your judgements or your own quick answers for my life.
what i need is a friend.
someone who will listen to me without telling me how long i need to get over it, how i need to get over the pain, wounds or bitterness.
a friend who will speak to me humbly and honestly.
how about someone to stand beside us and help us physcially?
we need help. people who can stand side by side and help us with the simple mundane tasks of rebuilding our house, parenting a child with autism and every day stuff...without being judged. we'll reciprocate- honestly- we are not selfish idiots who want to be served; we are just tired of serving for so long without stopping to eat or drink ourselves.
what i need in regards to theology is consistency.
why is it that the church follows new testament law when they talk about eating pork (for example) but old testament law in regards to tithing?
what i need is the ability to ask questions without being told to do so is rebellious.
what i need is to be able to agree to disagree with you sometimes.
what i need is to be able to make mistakes, be forgiven, hear "sorry" when you do, and a chance to offer forgiveness.
what i need in order to join another group is to know that the group is healthy and diversity is accepted. that they are focused on the empowerment of each member- helping each other find their true identity and calling- and standing side by side to see those things fulfilled as we are able; without judging the status of one's calling or giving value to some gifts over others. that if one can't walk, we carry him; that if one can cook; he cook and so forth, the building up of each other.
...a place where we let God do any needed convicting; that we spend our time encouaging relationships with God and each other.
what i need perhaps the most of all is love and being free to love.
without fear. without shame or condemnation.
and the return to the knowledge that we are all created in His image- wonderfully and beautifully; and loved just as we are.
with no exceptions.
hey, thanks for asking-
and to those who are reading- thanks for listening-
please feel free to respond.
in love; Tera, his rose.....
************************************************************* *this post is not intended to disrespect any soldier who has survived a real prisoner of war experience. symptoms of ptsd are often felt by persons having left any abusive/controlling situations and the comparison to fleeing a POW camp is for the purpose of expressing myself creatively.
Glenn Hager is coordinating a new synchroblog, which he is calling the Revolutionaries Synchroblog, set for Monday April 7th:
My personal journey, reading, blogging, and conversations with friends have led me to uncover the fringes of a huge group of people who operate under the radar of much of the world. They represent over 20 million people in the U.S. (This is the number of people who are already expressing their Christian faith in ways other than through a conventional church, according to the Barna organization.) who have lost (or, are losing) their faith in the institutional church system, yet have a deep love for Christ, his community and his mission.
I believe that the church is in the early stages of a dramatic shift, such as it has experienced only a few times in all of church history. For many of the pioneers and revolutionaries who are leading the way, it has been a journey filled with wonder, but also, pain, sacrifice, and loneliness.
My questions for you are:
What do they/you need? What did/do you need as you as went/are going through this transitional phase? How can a ministry or service help them/you?
This synchroblog is open to anyone. Be sure to let Glenn know if you plan to participate so he can compile a list of links. Thanks! Here's the link: http://glennhager.wordpress.com/2008/03/31/revolutionaries-synchroblog/
COME on up people, don't be shy, you can be healed from any disease; any thing......
They are........False prophets.
Jeremiah 23:16 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD.
This post is about my friend, Sharon.
Sharon was a beautiful sister in the Lord, she was a deacon in our church. She was a foster parent who adopted her children of special needs.
She could sew.
She could craft.
She could love.
That was Sharon.
Sharon had a prophet- more than one tell her that she would give birth from her own womb. It was an ache in her heart.
She trusted in the Lord and waited......
for His timing, for her faith, for the birth of the seed that would give her a birth child.
Sharon began getting tumors on her uterus. They were benign. We prayed together in faith.
Sharon trusted in those prophets.......trusted God for HIS goodness.....and didn't have her uterus removed.
She had more benign tumors.
surgery would remove them.
More would come.
I was in charge of the meals ministry- I organized meals for people in our church after they returned from the hospital.
many meals I cooked myself.
It was my call and what I loved to do.
I loved to feed people and sit and listen to them in love.
in the good times and the bad.
and one day, the tumor was cancerous.
Sharon had no anger at the Lord for not fulfilling His promises.....that came from His prophets.
She figured either she missed His timing or He would complete His promise in a way she didn't understand.
She died in peace with her Lord.
I stood stunned at the ceremony of her passing.
I had already left the church so it was hard for me to return.
BUT, it wasn't about ME. It was about a sister that passed, leaving 3 special needs adopted foster kids and her husband. We walked a path together, Sharon and I. Even after I left the church, she remained a friend.
I started to read about prophets......because prophets came to visit our church all the time. People from other churches would flock to our church desperate to hear one word from God.......desperate for an impartation into their lives.......desperate to know how to walk in His perfect way, all so that in the end they could hear, "my good and faithful servant, well done".
Oh and all kinds of prophets came. Prophets who knew scripture and prophets who didn't. Soft spoken ones that had such a heavenly peace when they spoke; fire and brimstone prophets who called out private sins in people's lives; prophets with oil and a touch that could make you fall out in the spirit.....prophets from the east, from the west......prophets from everywhere. The only two things they had in common was that they preached that THEY COULD HEAR FROM GOD in a way that we couldn't AND they passed a collection plate to remove the money from our pockets into theirs.
The new testament teaches us that the veil was torn, there is no longer a need for a priest to minister to the Lord.......we can go into the Holy of Holys FACE TO FACE.
The old testament has prophets. The old testament tells us to STONE THEM IF WHAT THEY SAY DOES NOT COME TO PASS.
SO to the prophets that told my friend Sharon to wait for her child.......
Shall I cast the first stone?
no. I can't. I am not even able.
Instead, I hold my head low, and cry inside at the death of a sister in the Lord who didn't need to die.
and I no longer wait for the prophecies in my life to come true.