more on my last post....

You know as I read through what I wrote, I realized that I come across as a Democrat.

Well, I am not.

I was.

I am nothing anymore.

When I was in collage, my grandfather called me a bleeding heart Liberal...and I was so much worse than that.... a social communist probably.

I volunteered my time (that I had none to spare of) to so many causes to save the world.

Coalitions to end homelessness (remember "we are the world" of the 1980s?)

Community based medical services....

and what did I see?

corruption there as well.

welfare fraud at cooporate levels....justifying it like a Robin Hood.

I was shocked. The liberals were not any more moral or holy....

My bleeding heart broke. Lying, stealing, manipulating numbers for the greater good is NOT more MORAL to me.

I spent over 10 years fellowshipping with republicans; "the christian right" on Sundays.

My husband and I were the last registered Democrats in our fellowship.

It was a "SIN" to be a democrat amongst our peers....

Even as our local state republican leaders were going to jail (gov. John Rowland) for criminal activity....and even child molesting (mayor of Waterbury CT); we (democrats) in our church group were immoral.

It angered me.

I guess you could call me a conservative Democrat or a liberal republican.

I liked McCAIN the LAST time he ran, but I remember Dobson and others trashing him...
now, he is holy by their standards.

How does THAT happen?

He scares the crap out of me this time around.

But so does OBAMA. I mean, WHO is paying his campaign ads if he is so 'middle class"? WHO has bought his presidency? Kennedy, perhaps? Makes one wonder.

Now as I ramble, I must tell you that BEFORE my christian days; before when I was a "bleeding heart liberal"; I have always had difficulty with the abortion issue.

I believe that life begins at conception.... I believe that abortion (plus really bad adoption laws) in our nation has had a horrible side effect where families have had to look to other countries to adopt babies. While American children are growing up in horrible institutions here....trapped within a system of dysfunction.

BUT unlike many pro-lifers; I cringe at making it totally illegal.

WHY?

Because our government has done little to protect women and children. Historically men who also help concieve these children are able to move on with their own lives and leave women to struggle raising children on their own; often poor and shunned by their community- Historically women have been battered but are not able to leave and support their families...Historically girls who have been raped or incestually raped; have been called liars.

So I struggle with leaving these decisions in the hands of our government-

a government who HISTORICALLY has drugged the poor african males with syphilis...and tested radiation on retarded adults in residential facilities...and spread flu viruses over our air to tract the spread of it....google it if you don't believe me.

What am I today?

An American too cynical to waste her time finding a babysitter who can care for an 8 year old with autism....to go down and vote....when at least once in our history the electoral collage ignored the people's vote....and at least once in our history no one is really sure who won the state of Florida legally... and the choices they give us are not of the people to begin with....

So I'll stay home that day; in my self centered bubble; enjoying my children and gardens....

accepting what I can not change; politics in America.