Thanks alot buddy....

thanks for finding my debit card, driver's license and employee i.d. and NOT mailing it to me.

Mean people suck.

Let me tell you about my day because of you.

What started out to be the day that I was to organize for Halloween tomorrow, ended up being the day spent at the Police Department.

See, You are so stupid that when you made reservations at the night club in New Haven; you gave my phone number to confirm.

What a surprise I got to find out I had reservations at a party house for 21 year olds; complete with break off rooms to make out and have sex.

I haven't even thought of that kind of fun in about 20 years.....

It was all I needed to be alerted that what I thought was my misplaced debit card yesterday...is really a stolen card.

Don't know where you found my card, but it was probably as I was racing through grocery stores with 3 children at heel, trying to get things done.

Couldn't you see that I had 3 children that might need that money to FEED them with?

no, I guess a night out on my back was more important to you, you selfish turd.

So, now I have to call the man who delivered a cord a wood...and tell him that the check I wrote to him that he is counting on to feed his kids....is LOCKED.

and Firestone, who fixed my car yesterday....will charge me $20 to stop payment on the check we wrote to them for $600.........

and Walmart, well, the manager isn't sure if there is a charge with a police report but there is definitly one at LOWES.

Yeah, and my supervisor is going to love to hear that I have to get a replacement work I.D. Which I will have to drive to Hartford, a good hour out of my way, with three kids, to get replaced.

And only God knows what the DMV is charging these days for a replacement driver's license.

Thanks.

I hope you were on camera when trying to buy a night out on my dime....Did you smile and say cheese? Cause the police are hoping so.

Pumpkintown 2008!

ahhhh, we had a better day yesterday.....


BELLE appeared....and enjoyed her "loot"


Robin was on the look out for evil.....


Batman met up with Batgirl....




Aren't my children, lovely?

on loosing my mind.....

today i came close, really close to loosing my mind.

it all started.......well, honestly sometime over the past few months.

we are on a hamster wheel, turning and turning, running to get there...

but where?

there was a goal, I am sure of it.

The goal is to get everyone in this family in their places with bright sunshiny faces.

That means people to work, in school, in therapy....and on time.

and the dryer broke.

and one car died.

so we run to the laundry mat with loads of wet clothes...

and we run to all the therapy appointments, meetings, trainings and field trips with one vehicle.

and my sister's husband is sick, very sick.

and she is loosing her house.

soon.

with 4 kids to feed.

so we run. to appointments. to therapy. to school. to work. and wake up each day to do it all over again.

my one year old now needs occupational therapy. it's an eating issue. one similar to Caleb but yet very different.

and my teenagers car died. sunday. he commutes to college.

so today I wake up after working an added shift last night, hoping the money will pay for a new dryer or a car battery. oh, did I add that the new car has a battery that periodically doesn't work?

at 6:30 a.m. my 8 year old woke up screaming and holding his ear...not a good sign.

which woke up my 1 year old screaming "ba ba" wanting to nurse to make up for me being gone last night.

which woke up my 5 year old who never wakes up well if it is too early. so she starting crying, this ear peircing wine.

so I forced myself to get up. get the lunches made. get the clean clothes on. find the homework folders. before the bus can come.

but my 8 year old held his ear, curled up on the couch and peed on it.

so I called his school and called the doctor so he could be seen...squeezed in between dropping my teenager off at college and getting home before the kindergarten bus.

then I left to drop my husband off at work (one car, remember) and beg my sister to come with me to the baby's occupational therapy because there was no way I could handle the 8 year old (he has autism) with the baby who screams through his therapy appointment; which sets off an auditory sensitive 8 year old;

who already peed on my couch so there is no self control today.

they decide to hang out at her house instead. my one year old screams as we leave because it isn't fair; he wants to stay too.

arriving a little early to therapy, I swing by the party store to buy my daughters yellow gloves and crown for her "Belle" costume because there is a Halloween party; tomorrow.

seriously. and I have to go because I have to return a cage that a women lent me when I bought guinea hens from her last week.

because the pamper boxes I brought to her home just wouldn't hold the pecking hens.

so I pull into the party shop parking lot...and the baby fell asleep.

So I drive to therapy thinking I'll catch this store after therapy.

there were no parking spaces at therapy.
none.
and we came to this facility 3 years ago for easier access to the office.

but a factory of some kind moved in next door and takes all the spaces. so I parked illegally in one of the handicapped spaces; after asking permission.

so while my baby is in therapy by himself; I meet a woman with a four month old baby that is bigger than my 13 month old. and it makes me worry more.

and I rest for a half hour thinking, wow, he isn't crying this time....this is progress.

then the therapest opens a sound proof door (can I buy one for my home?)and he is screaming for his life. he is out of breath as he sees me. she hands me an eval. it's not good. he needs therapy two times a week. yeah, in the middle of my week filled with vision therapy, dog therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy for my 8 year old. yeah right. but I sign him up because, well, I want early intervention, right?

so I go back to the party store and they don't have yellow gloves.....so I buy white ones.

oh well Belle, get a life.

I run next door to Aldi's to grab a few food items to get through tonight until I can shop tomorrow. I fill my basket, get to the register, and they can't take my debit card BECAUSE THERE IS A CRACK IN THE MAGNETIC STRIP...so I leave my groceries there and race home to get my oldest to get him to school before he is late.

when my sister calls.

Caleb peed his pants and needs a change of clothes.

So I race the teenager to his class, run to my sisters, change my son, feed him and race him to his doctor's appointment.

I get him into the car on time but the car won't start. (remember that quirky battery).

So my sister comes out to jump my car but I can't find my cables. husband tells me (thank god for cell phones) there on the floor in the front seat which I can't see them because it is a mess.

I jump the car but now my son wants to ride in auntie's car.

So I start counting to ten...and back again...and bribe and threaten...and we get to the pediatrician's office ten minutes after 2pm

to find out that the appointment is at 3.

Which means that my son who can't wait without spinning circles around everyone; has to wait.

and they run late anyway.

so at 3:15 I tell the nurse I will come back after I go catch the school bus for my kindergartner.... but the wonderful doctor hears me so she comes quick.

and he has an ear infection.

would ya think?

but she has a million other necessary questions about all his other evals.....yeah he is going through a ton more evals, MRI, catscans, sleep studies...but I can't talk...so I tell her I'll catch up with her in two weeks because he has an appointment with her to check HIS WEIGHT.

yeah, he weighs too much....

and the baby comes in around the same time because he weighs too little...

and I rush to the car,
and I race to beat the bus....
and I get one off the bus to nurse the other...
and plan dinner to find out things are missing (remember Aldi's?)

then it is time to pick up husband and go to pharmacy to get perscription.


I walk into CVS like I have for years. I walk to the "drop off" counter and the woman is not waiting on anyone. I try to hand her a script but she rudely tells me that she is busy.

A woman is asking another employee questions about items near me...this looks like it is going to take a while.

So I ask the first woman because I am confused, if I can drop off the script so I can shop.

This rude woman says something like "YEAH< but I am with a customer so you can do that after you wait your turn!"

which is when I lost my mind.

"NO THANKS I'LL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE THEY WANT MY MONEY AND BUSINESS AND DON'T HAVE FREAKING BAD ATTITUDE" and stormed out of CVS and into the parking lot and into the car, shaking, and crying...and telling my husband we can NEVER GO IN THAT STORE AGAIN.

because I am sick of being yelled at; told NO; kicked; things thrown at my head...oh that's the autism.....

I drive to STOP and SHOP. Drop of the script. Buy a bag of Baby Ruths and walk around eating them while trying to figure out what I need.

THEY REMODELED THE FREAKING STORE so I can't find anything I need.

so I buy important stuff like ice cream, whip cream, bananas and things I haven't bought in a really long time....and remember to get the chicken noodle soup, gingerale and saltines for my sick kids.

I get in line, OK has anyone tried to pay for groceries these days? there are like double the amount of self help lines than those with an employee!

I figure if I am going to ring up my own groceries, they ought to pay me the $7.00 an hour while I am doing it that they pay their other employees who do the same thing.

plus i need someone to type in my card as a credit, because the strip is broke.

As my groceries are being rung up; I recognize a woman in line behind me. My obgyn who was proud of me when I lost weight by eating healthy....and she has a ton of healthy food...

I frantically start bagging the candybars, ice cream and canned soup to hide what I am feeding my family...evil processed garbage...

when a woman from the PTA walks by....

and I realize that I am shoving groceries into plastic bags; lots of them.

Oh, I didn't tell you that I am pushing the school to go "green" and have started a committee for this venture....complete with trying to get a composter for the school and chairing the committee for FAMILY FUN DAY in January; a crafting workshop using clean garbage.

seriously.

and here I am; green queen; shoving processed chemical junk into plastic bags that are killing dolphins in the pacific ocean.

crap. Maybe I'll tell them I had no plastic in my own home to bring in and had to buy junk food in plastic garbage to help teach a lesson to those who are ruining our planet with their garbage!

Ha! Yeah, that's the ticket. Do ya think they'll believe it?

Oh well.

you win some days; you loose others.

thanks for listening....but I got to go pick up my son from college....

maybe I catch your comments on my rebound when I come back tonight to eat the banana split.

got any creme de mint? rum? vodka? anything?

You know, they run classes at some therapy centers for parents to learn how to take care of themselves in the midst of autism.... a group once a week to listen to other mother's vent.

What the hell do I need that stress for? I'll come home to my house trashed!

Why doesn't someone just get my insurance company to pay for a maid twice a week...then I could de stress!

but you know I complain but I wouldn't trade my kids for anything- I love them all and am blessed to have them in my life...so don't misunderstand me; it was just a bad day.

Our TEEPEE

Remember the Tee Pee we built last spring?

Well, it grew!

and we read it in.....

and we loved our birdhouse gourds in it!

and we waited for greenbeans to grow in it...


we watched nature in it.....



(ok blurry shot, but can you see the hummer on our scarlet runners?)



and we ........in it....HA no we did not! It looks like it but he wouldn't read without the stool because he was afraid he would crush baby seedlings!



SO, do you like our teepee?

Our children's friends. . . . .

As a parent we worry about so many things. Today I write about their friendships.

I worry about them having friends; having the right friends; being invited to parties; not being invited to the wrong parties when they are teenagers...and well, yes, you get the point if you're a parent.

One of the most difficult thing for me has been accepting that my son's peers when he was in kindgarten have out grown him socially. It is easy to forget the feelings of failure as a parent when he is tucked away across town at a school just for kids that have problems like him. My goal was to get him returned to our local school because the people there are like family.

How perplexed I felt just this week when I learned that he DOESN'T WANT TO RETURN to our local school.
I was dropping off his sister, when he got out of the car, walked to the front door of the school, starting spinning in circles and said, "WOW, THANK GOD I DON'T GO TO THIS CRAZY INSANE SCHOOL ANYMORE!"

wow, he has let go, so why can't I?

Last night we attended a Family Fun Event at our local school as my daughter is now in kindergarten there. I cringe inside and hurt when I see the kids that he went to kindergarten with. They are so happy to see him; and him they. I hurt inside wishing that there was something more I could do for him....but then they get to talking....and those other kids even in their love for him; are clearly much, much older socially. So I straddle the fence; wishing for him he was successful here at public school....but rejoicing in the growth that he has made and the joy he brings everyone.

austism sucks.

For us, this balance of him being in an appropriate school while visiting his old friends works for today. It reminds me of a song we sang as girl scouts; "make new friends, make new friends; but keep the old; one is silver and the other's gold".


On a completely different note; my daughter made a new friend. We have been hearing about "vivian" since the first day of school. Vivian, Hannah and Alice have been best friends and planning playdates.

Let me back up a minute to tell you that there was another girl attending school this year that we were glad did not get selected to be in Hannah's class. Joanna is a child of a family that attends a cultic christian church. We had been friends with her family off and on through the years. We were very worried that Joanna might be selected to be in our daughter's class as it would pose stress on our family for numerous reasons.

So last night, at the Family Fun Event, Hannah and Vivian found each other to play. Vivian introduces us to her family. She holds my hand and says, "come meet my moms." Her mothers were very nice and we planned to get the girls together for a play date.

On the way home, my husband, a recovering born again christian who sometimes is perplexed by the fact that he is not a conservative born again christian any more says, "did that girl have two moms as in LESBIANs?"

"I guess so," I said. After all, I didn't ask them if they were having sex.

"what do you think about that?" He said.

"well, things could be worse." I said.

"how?" He asked

"well, Joanna could have been in her class, and they could have become best friends"

We laughed for a while because sometimes we just need to put things in perspective.

Our kids will find their own way and we need to get out of the way. As long as no one is getting hurt or doing anything illegal; we've decided to let our children grow up as they're intended to. Hopefully as they embrace their life path, we as parents can grow ourselves.

more on my last post....

You know as I read through what I wrote, I realized that I come across as a Democrat.

Well, I am not.

I was.

I am nothing anymore.

When I was in collage, my grandfather called me a bleeding heart Liberal...and I was so much worse than that.... a social communist probably.

I volunteered my time (that I had none to spare of) to so many causes to save the world.

Coalitions to end homelessness (remember "we are the world" of the 1980s?)

Community based medical services....

and what did I see?

corruption there as well.

welfare fraud at cooporate levels....justifying it like a Robin Hood.

I was shocked. The liberals were not any more moral or holy....

My bleeding heart broke. Lying, stealing, manipulating numbers for the greater good is NOT more MORAL to me.

I spent over 10 years fellowshipping with republicans; "the christian right" on Sundays.

My husband and I were the last registered Democrats in our fellowship.

It was a "SIN" to be a democrat amongst our peers....

Even as our local state republican leaders were going to jail (gov. John Rowland) for criminal activity....and even child molesting (mayor of Waterbury CT); we (democrats) in our church group were immoral.

It angered me.

I guess you could call me a conservative Democrat or a liberal republican.

I liked McCAIN the LAST time he ran, but I remember Dobson and others trashing him...
now, he is holy by their standards.

How does THAT happen?

He scares the crap out of me this time around.

But so does OBAMA. I mean, WHO is paying his campaign ads if he is so 'middle class"? WHO has bought his presidency? Kennedy, perhaps? Makes one wonder.

Now as I ramble, I must tell you that BEFORE my christian days; before when I was a "bleeding heart liberal"; I have always had difficulty with the abortion issue.

I believe that life begins at conception.... I believe that abortion (plus really bad adoption laws) in our nation has had a horrible side effect where families have had to look to other countries to adopt babies. While American children are growing up in horrible institutions here....trapped within a system of dysfunction.

BUT unlike many pro-lifers; I cringe at making it totally illegal.

WHY?

Because our government has done little to protect women and children. Historically men who also help concieve these children are able to move on with their own lives and leave women to struggle raising children on their own; often poor and shunned by their community- Historically women have been battered but are not able to leave and support their families...Historically girls who have been raped or incestually raped; have been called liars.

So I struggle with leaving these decisions in the hands of our government-

a government who HISTORICALLY has drugged the poor african males with syphilis...and tested radiation on retarded adults in residential facilities...and spread flu viruses over our air to tract the spread of it....google it if you don't believe me.

What am I today?

An American too cynical to waste her time finding a babysitter who can care for an 8 year old with autism....to go down and vote....when at least once in our history the electoral collage ignored the people's vote....and at least once in our history no one is really sure who won the state of Florida legally... and the choices they give us are not of the people to begin with....

So I'll stay home that day; in my self centered bubble; enjoying my children and gardens....

accepting what I can not change; politics in America.

I will not be voting this year.......

now before you throw stones at me and call me anti-american;

listen


I have a FEW issues with the candidates....

Let's talk the republican ticket. If I had one wish it would be to slap the conservative right silly for their hypocracy.

Just imagine for one moment if you would...if Chelsea Clinton were pregnant.....hmmm I can imagine it; "well, you know, the sins of the fathers...." or "well, if her father hadn't committed adultry in front of the entire nation....." or "well, her mother is so busy being a man that she didn't parent her" and how about comments about "generational curses".

Need I say more?

No, the christian right gives their applause to their candidate for being GODLY.

OK.

How about the abortion issue?

Has ANYONE read what McCAIN has voted for during the past decade? This may surprise some people but he is NOT A PROLIFER PEOPLE.

and how about that? Its ok to blow up cities with children and kill them- and pregnant women....but we are more holy if we make abortion illegal.

murder is murder.

whether for oil or self-righteousness- it's still murder.

AND this is not about the economy guys-
Democrats and republicans are going to take our money.

McCain doesn't know how many houses he owns- and trust me, it won't be long if Obama becomes president that he won't know either.

I find it ironic that the party (republican) that wants NO GOVERNMENT INVOLVED IN OUR PRIVATE LIVES...doesnt feel that way about abortion and homosexuality.

I find it ironic that the party that wants to help the middleclass, poor and underpriveleged (democrats) live in mansions over here at some of the most expensive areas (can anyone spell K E N N E D Y).

So do I sound confused?

I am not.

I am against hypocracy on both sides.
I am irritated by the belief that we as americans think we can make a difference in the vote. I am not an elector....my vote does NOT count.
I am irritated by the millions of dollars spent on all levels for the election.
I am irritated that friends and co-workers fight to the death arguing over who is the candidate from God.
I am irritated by it all....

oh, except those saturday night live imitations.

That would be a reason for me to vote republican, if my vote counted, because I could use some laughs watching those imitations of that women who I can't even say her name out loud that is how sick she makes me.....yup, could use some more laughs these days.