(i wrote this letter to an internet group of homeschoolers and decided to post this here as well....)
I have self diagnosed myself with homeschool schizophrenia.
I read the homeschoolers blog; the one where the child who was unschooled went to ninth grade.
I find myself thinking;
I AM DEFINITLY GOING TO UNSCHOOL.
then I look around my house, I see laundry not done, clutter accumulating, hear a baby screaming to be nursed ON DEMAND, and watch two older children fighting over a toy, am behind on getting ready for work in two hours, and I think to myself:
I AM DEFINITLY NOT GOING TO HOMESCHOOL.
See, my daughter is supposed to enter kindergarten this year.
I have 2 weeks to figure out if she is getting up early in the morning to climb the stairs of the big yellow bus.
I should have figured this out by now.
But I am homeschool schizophrenic. ...you know me, the mother who thinks homeschooling is so wonderful and I want the best for my children....but can't seem to get anywhere on time let alone with matching socks on each child.
I am seriously terrified that I will be neglecting my children by homeschooling because, afterall, that dumbed down public school still at least has something better to offer than me.
I hear so many parents say that they know how to reach their children the best, they know how to teach their children. Mostly, I feel this way too...until the chaos of life builds up, the chores add up, the demands get overwhelming. ....and my children are plugged into the computer or tv so that I can simply take a shower or wash a few dishes...
yup that's me.
I hear voices telling me...."don't put them to school this fall, they will loose their love for learning"
and feel paranoid tremers of fear...."don' t homeschool them, they need structure, organization...and the one with special needs has to have a reason to get up and out every day."
I run to vision therapy appointments, occupational therapy, speech...and lift my shirt in public places to nurse an almost one year old. Yup, I have lost all sense of modesty too.
I spent my summer at the beach, letting my children gather shells, sun, and memories....and now labor day is here.
I don't want my daughter to get on that bus but that evil voice tells me that I can't do this, I will ruin her life.
Is there a lithium for this problem????
Is there a way I can KNOW THAT I KNOW FOR SURE which path is the right path to take.
I mean this decision can mean the difference in my children's entire future.
I know things are fluid- I can enter them in and take them out....but I'd like to find peace one way or another; and stay there.
Does anyone else feel this way??
Finding our way - Sam's move in day to his supported living apartment was August 12, and we are continuing to make adjustments. Both of us. It has been, to say the least...
19 hours ago