pondering things...

so I sit here at the computer, exhausted, after a difficult week with my son Caleb.

What made it difficult?

I forgot this week that his issues that come out as behaviors- are a disability. I bought into the lie that "he really can do it if we force him to, or con him to."

yup. I did. Just like parents of dyslexic kids who for years were told that their children were lazy readers- because all the other area of academics in their lives, they were doing well in. It took years, research and someone taking the time to listen to these children to realize that dyslexia was a REAL disablity and not an excuse for lazy children.

My son was restrained three times this week. Three. You would think after the first I would have called a meeting.......it's a warning that something isn't going correctly.

He is terrified of going to school. So angry that this morning he took off his clothes as the bus pulled in our driveway because he knew that we would not be able to force him on the bus, in this cold, in underwear.

Then, when my husband, already late for work (and he works for the governor who is watching for lazy state employees that she can lay off to fix her economic problems- you know ones that come to work late often...which is him...because of Caleb but he always stays late to make up the time)....stressed...and my 21 year old tried to get him in the car; he refused.

he walked up to me quietly and whispered in my ear, "I am running away but don't tell anyone because they will stop me."

When my husband left for work, I called the school and indicated that we couldn't safely get him to school after all; feeling guilt as a parent that I was not able to get my son to school; feeling fear as a parent because at what point will they hospitalize him for his "acting out"...

With a screaming toddler in tow, I convinced Caleb to cuddle with me while I put Sam down for a nap. Curling up with him, I asked him, "you know how much your daddy and I love you and for how long we wanted you, right?"

He answered, "1,000 million"

I responded, "more, can you tell me about school?"

Caleb explained that he hated school because play time was too long away. He thought it a better idea to do math, then play; read, then play. He proceeded to explain that when he has to work all morning and can't play until after lunch; that his body starts to feel funny. He told me that when his body feels funny, he looses his "good boundaries" which frustrates and angers him. That is when he starts acting out, or he gets bored until his head hurts.

What amazes me with his answer is that it seems to be always around 10:30 that he starts to "loose it" at school.

Second, he misses his favorite toys. He had some toys (a batmobile) that were taken by the teacher and returned to the locked closet because he was told they are toys for younger kids.

Third, he hates restraints. He went on to show me how they covered his mouth with his shirt and held his head down. He said his feet and hands hurt when they hold him down.

I have always been against restraints. I have been trained at my work that they are dangerous, only get temporary results, and teach kids with sensory issues to get the input that they need inappropriately.

The time has come for me to evaluate the effectiveness of this program for Caleb. When I homeschool him, he does very well. My confusion comes in with the question, "am I enabling him to shelter himself in his house?" Does a child with autism have to learn to wake up everyday and go meet life?

My husband pointed out to me that if a child is wheel chair bound, do we treat it as behavioral when he can't walk?

My son can't work on academics without physical breaks. He is socially developmentally delayed; batman toys are still appropriate for him. Restraints? Well, they just scare the crap out of me, can you imagine him? When the state has decided that spankings are abusive and restraints are ok (they are more likely to cause death and/or injury) then what kind of world do we live in?

The real question that I continue to face is, am I ready to homeschool him full time? Am I able? Am I qualified? Will I ruin his life?

Can I do it?

hmmm and more importantly- Don't you find it AMAZING that in 5 minutes of listening to a "disabled" child; he was able to tell me what the problems are?

Caleb and Jason interviewed on our local news!

We've been real busy these days. Running from one thing to another. I'll have to get around to posting pictures, I promise.

One of the things we have been doing is driving Caleb to ski ing, his big brother Jason goes up with him for support.

if you feel so inclined, click on the link below....look for the video on right with the child in the red jacket (caleb) and hit play- the first one saying, "skiing is cool" is Caleb- but if you can wait for the interview of the doctor- you'll see they interviewed Caleb and Jason-

We are so proud of Caleb who only the week before this interview was too afraid to get on the chair lift. He is now a super skier!

(ok, I can't figure out how to make this a link- but if you copy it and paste it onto the left search window- it works)

http://www.wfsb.com/family/18550774/detail.html

I thought I could outwit the phone company.

seriously.

insane nut that I am.

I despise the fact that I have to pay for a landline phone in order to get internet service. We NEVER use the landline...well, it NEVER works. We pay for insurance on the lines but the working men tell me we don't...and in between our fifty million things that we do....we don't ever finalize the age old argument that we have with good old ma bell.

so the phone bill didn't get paid last month...an accident that became an experiment.

our internet still worked,

HA!

we thought to ourselves, ok ok, yeah, we spoke it outloud around here.

A month of no land line and internet...

so we planned to outsmart them....

maybe they wouldn't know that we aren't paying our land line bill anymore.



we lost.

our internet went down.

so for four days we scrambled to call, be put on hold for endless hours...and finally,

I am back online!
and paying for landline service that we don't use...

and stuck with a new email address because the company merged and I can no longer own my own email...and have 90 days to forward anything saved into my new email name.

they suck.

TAG- OBAMA's IT

I've wanted to blog about the new president, but what can I say that no one else has said already?

I love the hope that he is inspiring, the patriotism, the inclusion...the Hope...wait, did I write that already?

I was glued to the t.v.

I cried when shots of black americans cried.

I cheered when the audience cheered.

I waited for every word he would speak, to see which profound sentence would go down in history for the generations to memorize.

Would it be the encouragement ?

the prose?

the calm self assured way he carried it off?

I hope to god that what doesn't go down in history is who wore what when.

Those comments are the first that we should get rid of in his call for us to mature and grow up.

He included all people, all colors, all religions including those with no religion.

wow.

I have a few complaints-
one, Rick Warren? to what end>? WHY?

There are very few published christian leaders that I respect and trust- how about Graham? He seems to have stood the test of time so far.

Then I was wondering, where is Maya Angelou?

until I heard the words of the new poet....how perfectly, perfect.

and another thing; we pride ourselves as Americans as transitioning the power peacefully with all of our little rituals...

come on, you don't think Michele bought that gift for Barbara without being coached, do you?

well, in my opinion, that "transition of power in a peaceful way" is symbolic of the dysfunction of our nation.

It illustrates the elephants on our table.

The ability of Americans to pretend all is well as people in our own cities are starving, drugging, dying and homeless.

wow, sounds like a subject by itself to blog about.

The only truth I witnessed in the transition of power was Cheeny.

Come on now, you don't really think his attitude was because he was in a wheel chair the day he left office do you?

I think he used that as an excuse because he was pissed he was leaving office- leaving power- and giving that power to the other side; not only to the democrats but to a black man.

and as he was giving power over- the entire country REJOICED as did the world...

that is why he was scowling....

As the helicopter left, and everyone waved a fond farewell to the Bush family; this woman screamed with joy at the top of her lungs...

farewell crook, liar, murderer....farewell...oppression, hatred, exclusiveness...farewell....

now, let's hope that this new president stays on track and lives up to half of what we wait for.....

and may God, whomever God is, be with them.

SUV - special victims unit

any one else get traumatized by this show last night?

anyone else ready to pull off all pictures of their children anywhere on the internet, like STAT?

this happens to me from time to time.

I write here like it is a free extension of my mind- a diary that once in a while a friend pops in and writes a comment.

Then I watch Law and Order SVU- which I love.

I admit; I Am a LAW and Order junkie...

until they put those freaky stories on about children.

then I want to erase all my blogging- and well, hide my children in a cave underground for a while because the world is big, bad and ugly.

where's the balance guys?

My Christmas tree is still up!

It is January 14th, and yes, my christmas tree is still up!

I am just not ready to take it down yet. This christmas was filled with so much busy-ness that I never had a night to sit under the lights and enjoy it.

I like to do that at christmas time, sit there with a hot cup of tea and soak it all in.

It's my version of yoga, I think, my once a year chance to empty it all out and relax.

but this year?

I served dinner at my home on christmas eve, then sent the kids to bed because according to NORAD, Santa was in Ireland about to cross the Atlantic Ocean.

Santa came, and I had to rush to work. I worked 11pm to 7am...and rushed home before the kids woke up to see what Santa left for them.

I worked a lot through out the winter break, that and blizzards, colds and therapy schedules have kept me running- have kept me from having time to post photos...

and now I sit here, a deep freeze coming in our way on the wings of another storm tonight...

and hope that tonight will be the night I can sit under the tree lights and reflect on last years happenings.....

so that this tree can come down before valentine's day.

hey, this tree still has all it's green! we cut it down the friday after thanksgiving and it still has all it's green needles......amazing.

NO SCHOOL!

I love snow days,
maybe it's the excitement of my own childhood that causes me to wake up before 5 am to turn on the news when there is the anticipation of a storm coming to New England..

maybe.

maybe it is the feeling that I have stolen a day back with my kids from the school system.

maybe.

maybe it is the excitement that comes from not being able to control weather- like when preparing for a hurricane.

maybe.

maybe it is the feeling that in the midst of a terribly busy schedule; weather comes to stop our craziness for a moment and gives us a locked down un planned time with family.

yeah, that's it.

I woke up this morning, turned on the news and waited....
school is cancelled, YEAH!

so in anticipation of power outages; I filled up the tub with water (for those with city water- if you have a well, it needs electricity to bring up the water- so you can't flush your toliets without water- filling your tub insures that you can still flush), I gathered emergency candles, cooked food items, and had my husband stoke up the wood stove.

I just fed the kids a big breakfast- home made pumpkin bread with chocolate chips toasty warm from the oven, eggs, and hash... made up an incredible omlet for the adults (kids don't like mushrooms, onions, and peppers)...

so if we can't open the frige- we're full anyway....

gonna head out the door with ice skates on because here in southern New England- we are in cased in ice.

and the good news? We're all home safe, warm, fed and together

Happy NO SCHOOL DAY !